I'm sure those of you that follow me on Twitter are wondering what happened to me and Coco. We seemed to be doing so well on our road to working things out again.
Yeah, well....I thought so, too. But one day, Coco hits me with "We can't do this again."
I, totally bewildered, of course, ask what it is that we can't do.
"This," she says. "I don't want us to be two people stringing together as many good days as we can. I want to be with you, but that's not going to work for me. I need more than that."
Well, that sucks, because I can't give her more than that right now. And I only have myself to blame because she broke up with me because she was taking my advice.
Coco was my lil' parrot. She isn't much for the innanets, but she'd literally read over my shoulder and comment as I typed and responded, as she was doing when I basically responded to Laconic Icon's situation with C by saying it's the closed mouth's own fault if it doesn't get fed. And Coco, as you all know, is hungry for a ring and a family, and that's a meal that's not on my menu.
I'm not, in truth, not terribly surprised. I mean, this is why I broke up with her initially. We wanted - and, apparently, still want - two different things, and I'd never want to keep her from being truly happy and fulfilled. "You were right," Coco told me. "That first time. You were right." Never thought being right would suck so much.
I'm just a little sad and numb, right now. I miss her so much. My heart hurts. My arms are empty.
I know that this is it. Her mind is made up, and we both know it's for the best. I don't think we can be friends. That only leads to us fucking, which only leads to us getting back together, which only leads to...this. So the cycle breaks here.
I'm coping like I always do. Doing a lot of flirting, burying my pain between the thighs of the girl I call in times of sorrow. That only happened once, though. The sex is great, but it doesn't help. The old me would have kept fucking her 'til it did help, but I guess I've grown up.
All I need now is for the scent of Dolce & Gabbana to fade from my pillow and favorite sweater.
I am sorry about this. I went through the same cycle with my ex. You will get through this. It is good you are recognizing your growing maturity.
ReplyDeleteYou were reading my mind...I was wondering where Coke went. #blankface @ my comment becoming the slogan for on again/off again relationships.
ReplyDeleteYou two are at different places in your lives. While I'm sure ya'll were having a blast, continuing down that road would only lead to someone getting hurt (even more). Letting her go gives her the opportunity to find someone who is willing to give her what she wants (which someday could be you). With you caring for like you do, I'm sure her happiness is important to you.
Hang in there, champ. :-)
@T Thanks for the love, sis.
ReplyDelete@LI You're right, but it still sucks. :( She's quality, and we both know that doesn't come along often enough.