My Buddy and Me

This is post #7 in my 30-Day Blog Challenge that I started about 90 days ago, but let's focus on the positive.

I'm back.

Not because I really wanted to keep doing this, but because I'm an asshole, and I couldn't stand the thought of letting Brother Fox pass me when she just started six days ago. *lol*

If you've been following along, you know that Apples is my one of my favorite women in the world. I love that girl. Even better, she loves me back. We share a brain, which is scary. If you haven't noticed, I am both random and perverted, so for someone to know what I'm thinking and actually be thinking the same thing is rare and frightening. It's great. *lol*

There's not much I wouldn't do for Apples. I'm learning how to be a great friend from her. She's my big sister. We buy each other lunch and don't keep score of who's turn it is. We take naps together. She's been over to my place more than once, which is huge for me because I don't like a bunch of people knowing the details of my personal space and invading my sanctuary. I'm hermitty that way, but not with Apples.

We tell each other damn near everything. There's a give and take of advice, conversation, music and other pop culture discoveries, and teasing. When good things happen, we are happy for each other. There is no jealousy. There isn't even a healthy competition - it's much more of us rooting for each other and encouraging one another to be better because we want to see each other succeed and be happy. I guess that's why we have the bond we do. It's so very hard to find a relationship of any kind that is genuinely mutually beneficial on a 50/50 level, so when you finally do, you grab on fast and hold on tight.

Apples is my best friend, even if she did threaten to beat me with a bag of her namesake the other day. *lol*

Check out our theme song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcaeOK-HYEE

What's Happening Now

Hey, hey, hey!

Don't look at me like that. If you've been reading for a while, you knew it was coming. Anyway, I know it's been a while, so lets get you updated on what's transpired in the mean time and inbetween time:

Off the Wall

Nawl, this ain't got a thang to do with Mike Jack. This is the Part 2 to my first adventure with Miss Pokey - the part you freaks (and I say that with true love) have been waiting for: The Dirty Details.

I guess I should start where we did:

When the movie was over, I gave Dubs the bruh hug, she and Pokey said their goodbyes to each other, and she left.

Alone at last.

Back On the Scene

Dating here sucks.

There are plenty of people, but everybody either knows everybody else or has fucked 'em before you did. And we all know how small the circle of black lesbians who date other black lesbians is in any city, regardless of size.

Then you've got to do some subtraction: Take out the studs, the stems who only date fems, the fems who only date fems, the fems who are too aggressive for my liking, the fems are too submissive and/or prissy (not to be confused with being feminine) for my liking, the fems I don't find attractive, the fems who don't find me attractive, the fems I'm incompatible with, and the fems I've already been involved with, and who's left?

I Only Have Myself to Blame

I'm sure those of you that follow me on Twitter are wondering what happened to me and Coco. We seemed to be doing so well on our road to working things out again.

Yeah, well....I thought so, too. But one day, Coco hits me with "We can't do this again."

I, totally bewildered, of course, ask what it is that we can't do.

"This," she says. "I don't want us to be two people stringing together as many good days as we can. I want to be with you, but that's not going to work for me. I need more than that."

Well, that sucks, because I can't give her more than that right now. And I only have myself to blame because she broke up with me because she was taking my advice.

Coco was my lil' parrot. She isn't much for the innanets, but she'd literally read over my shoulder and comment as I typed and responded, as she was doing when I basically responded to Laconic Icon's situation with C by saying it's the closed mouth's own fault if it doesn't get fed. And Coco, as you all know, is hungry for a ring and a family, and that's a meal that's not on my menu.

I'm not, in truth, not terribly surprised. I mean, this is why I broke up with her initially. We wanted - and, apparently, still want - two different things, and I'd never want to keep her from being truly happy and fulfilled. "You were right," Coco told me. "That first time. You were right." Never thought being right would suck so much.

I'm just a little sad and numb, right now. I miss her so much. My heart hurts. My arms are empty.

I know that this is it. Her mind is made up, and we both know it's for the best. I don't think we can be friends. That only leads to us fucking, which only leads to us getting back together, which only leads to...this. So the cycle breaks here.

I'm coping like I always do. Doing a lot of flirting, burying my pain between the thighs of the girl I call in times of sorrow. That only happened once, though. The sex is great, but it doesn't help. The old me would have kept fucking her 'til it did help, but I guess I've grown up.

All I need now is for the scent of Dolce & Gabbana to fade from my pillow and favorite sweater.

The Bold and the Beautiful (The SFG Story Part 2)

Mmkay. When we last left our heroine, she was in the restaurant with Apples, SFG, and SFG's newly reinstated boyfriend, Leandro.

Aaaaaand, action!

She's Engaged...to a Dude (The SFG Story, Part 1)

But she wasn't when I met her.

Super Fahn (Fine) G. was single, technically. Had just given her on-again-off-again serious boyfriend his walking papers again. She was probably looking to rebound, which was all good with me because I had just broken up with CoCo and was looking to fuck her out of my system. That wasn't the healthiest coping technique, I know, but it was what it was.

Something for Sunshine

I wrote this back in 2006 when I was knee deep in our situation. No post I could do now is going to capture my feelings quite like these old poems I found, so here's the first of them:

Buddy System

This is when things get awkward.
When I start wishing
That pat on the back was a caress,
Wishing your co-conspirator wink
Meant there was more
Than just a joke between us.
Wishing you could see me
As more than a friend.

I have grown to hate
So many words because of you.
Pal, amiga., homegirl
Just seem so inadequate
To describe our relationship,
Or at least the one I wish we had.

What does it take
To make you realize?
If I left your favorite candy
Outside of your door,
Would you remember
That I'm the only one
Who really knows what you like?

Should I leave you a note?
Check only one box:
Yes or No.
Or should I just take you by the hand,
And tell you, old buddy, pal, friend,
That I have something to say.

A Day in the Life

This isssss / For the stalker in youuu!

I'm kidding.

This is Post #6 in my 30 Day Blog Challenge Spectacular - My Day.

Oh leh dewit:

• 12:00-1:30am - I was getting it in with CoCo. We were supposed to be watching Shottaz, but some time after the cops killed Blacka, a hand found its way down my pants, and that was all she wrote.
• 1:30-1:45am - Recovery. When I said we got it in, I mean we got it in. Not that I wanted to go anywhere, but for a good ten/fifteen minutes there, we couldn't have moved if we tried. "Blissed out" would definitely be the best descriptor here.
• 1:45-6:00am - Once our limbs started working again, we formed our customary human surgeon's knot and fell asleep all cuddled up. I never dream after a good nut or when I've had an exhausting day, so there was nothing but blackness and silence. We didn't even move, for once waking up in the same position we went to sleep in. The alarm on my Blackberry goes off at the same time every weekday morning - 6:00am - though I'm usually awake before then. CoCo says I pee at 5:53 everyday. I'll take her word for it.
• 6:00-7:00am - I rolled over and went back to sleep because, frankly, I'm deserving all the rest I can get these days because I'm definitely paying the cost to (hopefully) be the boss in the very near future.
• 7:00am - My roommate is home from work and CoCo is in the shower, so I pick out and iron my work clothes.
• 7:20-7:45am - I wash up, brush my hair, spray on my smell-goods, get dressed, and grab my bags.
• 7:45-7:50am - I stuff one of said bags with some breakfast food, fruit, chips, and cookies.
• 7:50 - 8:15am - I walk CoCo to her car, kiss her goodbye, and see her off, then hop in the car and hit the expressway to work.
• 8:20am - 3:50pm - Work. Work. Work. Work. On days like these, you can't really stop to eat, so I eat while I work and take little 5 minute breaks here and there to keep myself from zoning out over the piles of budget worksheets and Word document after Word document. Fun times. No, really. It's hard and trying work, but I'm good at it and I love it. Get me some good help - which I have in Apples and our friend and coworker Tisha - and leave me in peace - which I finally got this week - and I can make it do what it do. Being fulfilled is a great feeling. Tiring, but great.
• 4:10pm - My 4pm conference caller finally rings us up just to tell us that she doesn't really need to talk to us unless we have questions, so I jet. I've been horny since 3, so I tell CoCo to meet at my place.
• 4:40pm - I put my stuff away, shed some articles of clothing, grab my water out of the fridge, and listen to CoCo tell me about her day while I check my twitter.
• 5:45ish-7:00ishpm- We're half watching James and the Giant Peach, half fooling around until we both figure out where the plot is going and decide to turn our full attention to more fascinating activities. I've been patiently waiting, but that doesn't mean ol' girl is going to get off nice and easy. I put it on her until we've both worked up an appetite.
• 7:00pm - I make us a sammich to share. Turkey, ham, and provolone on whole grain with mayo and spicy brown mustard, pickles on the side, and a bag of. Sun Chips.
• 8:00pm - We start watching Season 3 of Avatar: The Last Airbender, which we'll probably be doing for the rest of the night. It's 10 o'clcok, and we're about to start episode 5 right now. I love this show. It's real and human in a way that extremely rare in most television series, period, never mind something that's usually - and unfortunately - thought of as a kids' show.

What Is Love?

It's been a long time. I shouldna left you. Without a dope post to read to.

Ahem.

As those of you that follow me on twitter know, I've been engrossed in my job, moving into my new place, and working things out for the 1,000,001 time with Senorita CoCo, but I'm back now, and I will resist the urge to put on a vest and vogue long enough to finish this post, I promise.

I've been kinding of dreading Post #5 of my 30 Day Blog Challenge BlowOut - My Definition of Love - if only because I have no idea what to say. I guess we can go with what I do know about it.

1. You can't have a successful relationship without love; you also can't have a successful relationship if love is all you have.
2. Love is the tangible intangible. You know it when it's upon you, but you can't really but the how and the why of it all into words. I'm sitting here trying to think about love in terms of the relationship I ha(ve) with Coco, and, while I can definitely tell you that I love her and I can list all the things that I love about her, I can't even begin to describe what it is between us that makes it love rather than strong like. I can feel it, I know it's there, but I don't know what it is.
3. Love makes me feel all happy, cared for, and warm inside. It definitely brings out the goofy in me. I smile more, the urge to strangle my coworkers isn't as strong, and my muse starts telling me to write ballads.
4. Love is insanity. It is nothing short of crazy when a living being puts the needs and wants of another living being that isn't carrying on its DNA before its own.
5. Love is worth it.

And if you're still checking for this blog after all this time, I love you for reading. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be in my shower trying to match the off-key genius of this gem: