The Ballad of "Stem"

I told this story to Slim Tuesday when I went down to Macon to wreak havoc and terrorize the townspeople and all that good stuff, so I figured it's about time I let you in on the details, as well.

Most of y'all already got the short and sweet of my thoughts on Stem (that's Stud + Fem for those that don't know) in the "Chicks, Man" post, but allow me to elaborate:



For about half a year, I was a supervisor for an after school program at the school Stem works at, and she was teaching a music class for the kiddies in my program. I thought she was good-looking when I first caught glimpses of her in the hallway, but I didn't even know her name in the beginning, and I didn't get a good look at her until she showed up in my office one day to turn in some paperwork.

Then, I saw her up close and personal, face to face, eye to eye. And, wow, it was over. I have a huge thing for pretty stems and tomboy fems, and honey was definitely fitting the bill. Me being me, though, I played it cool and professional. I love and flirt with all good women, not just the ones I find attractive, so I don't jump for joy over pretty faces (no matter how hard I stare). But, yeah, my smile might have been a little friendlier for her than it is for most people I've just met.

The vitals: Stem's about 5'8", about my age, light-skinned (I hate to use the term, but "yellow" would be the best-fitting descriptor here), soft, dark brown, shoulder-length hair, and a thick, curvy, athletic body thanks to her days as a b-baller. (I have a thing for forwards and the occasional guard, too.) She has a gorgeous smile, but I'm probably one of the few non-relatives in her life that's had the pleasure of seeing it in its full glory as she comes off a bit grumpy and cynical on the outside. I, however, like a little mean on my women, probably because of the challenge, so that didn't deter me. I thought her eyes were golden brown until we were sitting out on the bleachers at an event one night, and I happened to look into her eyes at the same moment that the light of the setting sun hit them and saw a kaleidoscope of colors bloom: gold, true blue, jade green, and even violet. That was the moment I fell hard into like with this girl.

Combine this with the fact that she plays multiple instruments and sings, is smart, funny, and passionate, loves games, cartoons, and cop shows, can draw her ass off, isn't obsessed with her sorority life, has a brother that I adore, and knows how to give me her undivided attention, and you have a smitten K. on your hands. We have so much in common it's impossible not to feel like kindred spirits, but we're not so much alike that we were headed for the friend zone. She seemed kinda perfect for me. Perfect in a much different way than Coco, with our opposites attract thing, but things seemed to develop a little easier between the two of us.

I'm pretty musical myself, and since we had a couple of events where we wanted the kids to show off what they were learning in the program, I was always helping her rehearse them, which meant we spent a lot of time in each other's presence. We just hit it off; she was cool, and she was cute. I couldn't tell if she was gay or straight, but I knew she liked me, at least as a friend. Most people she didn't seem to care for on GP, but with me, she was always teasing and joking, laughing, touching, hitting, standing damn near between my legs when I would sit on the edge of the stage (and, mind you, this was in front of the children). I never tried to mack her, but I did try to charm her, and it worked. Naturally. *brushes shoulder off and buffs nails* If I was in the same room with her and paying her minimal attention, she would do and say things to make sure I switched my focus to her. We sat too close, laughed too much, held hugs too long. A Mutual Admiration Society if there ever was one. Phone numbers and text messages were exchanged. I even asked her to come kick it with me and my girls, but, unfortunately, she doesn't skate.

So there I was. Trying to get to know her outside of work to make sure this wasn't a fluke, but not really getting anywhere. And still not knowing for sure if she was actually gay. In any other situation, I would've sacked up and asked her flat out, but I didn't want things to go left if I made my intentions known and she wasn't having it. I do have bills to pay, and I would prefer my work environment remain as pleasant as possible, as it's kind of a Don't Ask Don't Tell culture. There were a few things that stood out to me, though. She seemed to run in the same circles as my workstudy student, who was an out stud, and when her little mentee would tease her about one thing or another, the words "I'm not gay" never came out of her mouth. I even had Apples use her black greek powers to get the word on this bird. She said that when she asked Stem's soror if Stem was gay, the only response she got was "What?", so from that point on, I've just assumed, that she is indeed on this side of the fence or at least straddling it.

So it's around November/December, me and Coco were having problems and breaking up again, and Stem and I were texting each other back and forth on the regular. Now, cell phones are personal life, so I started to get super flirty with her around Christmas time. We exchanged little gifts and more long hugs. She suggested that we hang out during the break. I did a victory dance in my head. But I didn't hear from her until I texted her first, and, at this point, I was getting a little tired of doing all the legwork. I decided that she was going to have to put in a little more effort if she wanted me, so I chilled on her. Fuck it, right? I wasn't tryna play myself. So she texted me early Christmas morning and New Year's morning, told me I made her smile. The feeling was mutual. But I was feeling like she kept punking out on us hanging out because she was scared to be alone with me for real. We'd spent some time alone in my office before, and the tension had been thick. There wasn't really a question of what would happen if we ever did chill outside of work, only a question of when.

"When" never really got a chance to come, though. When we went back to work in January, she wasn't working for my program, anymore, thanks to my crazy-ass supervisor pissing her off, so we weren't seeing much of each other, and I was messing with Coco again, so we weren't texting much either. February rolled around and I finally caught up with her in the library right before Valentine's Day. It was pretty much my last good chance because I was set to transfer to a new position the next week. I wasn't flirting with her anymore, but I can't lie, I was still interested, so I was still talking smooth to her, asking her if she had any plans for Valentine's to low key check if she was still single and if she was still feeling me. Stem said that Valentine's Day was just another day to her. I shot back that that was just something that single people say. She was real quick on the uptake of the fact that I wasn't single anymore, and she paused for good fifteen seconds before she started talking again and changed the subject. I couldn't really place the emotion that came over her face, but I didn't get a chance to figure it out thanks to my supervisor cock-blocking me by wanting to speak to me in the office. By the time I came back out, it was time to go home, and I didn't have time to do anything but say goodbye.

We didn't talk again until the end of March. It didn't start off as a social call, but I was single again at that point, and after I got done discussing business with her, I just came out with it and asked homegirl why she was playing me to the left. She claimed she was busy studying and going to class, and I could respect that, so I told her to holler at me when she wrapped it up and we'd celebrate her academic success. I didn't want to hear that "I'm too broke to hangout" bullshit, so I told her I got her; she could keep her money in her pocket, and I'd take her out bowling and drinking and whatnot. She was more than down with it.

Lucky me, I ended up at her school handling business one day. She wasn't in her classroom before my meeting, so I sent her a text after asking her where she was at. She didn't bother with a reply. Instead she found me almost immediately, and I followed her to her classroom. We're alone, the lights were off, and we were sharing another one of those too long hugs. She didn't have a lot of time to talk, but I sat down on a little student chair, legs wide, eyeing her like was hungry, and she was doing that thing where she's an inch from standing between my legs again, so I have to look all the way up to try to make eye contact with her. Her eyes were on my lips, though. She caught me catching her, but she continued to eye my up and down. We both went silent. I could see her breathing getting heavier. She moved in a little closer and was in between my knees then. I stood up.

And then I walked around her and went back over the door to leave. I will probably kick myself forever, but the smarter part of me knew nothing good would've come of it had I given her what she wanted. Not to mention we could have been caught.

She started texting me again, though, and I was flirting hard. I can't remember what I said to her now, but I remember her hitting me back with one word.

"Wow."

"Wow, what? You're killing me with the one-word response" was my reply, but I never got a response to that.

We were still texting, though. Talking about her brother, her working in the summer program under the same crazy-ass supervisor. I hoped we were on the way to getting back to where we were before, but I haven't heard from her since the 4th of July.

Now, what?

I can't tell what she wants from me, and she certainly isn't telling. And I don't have time for guessing games, baby. I like Stem a lot, clearly, but time waits for no woman, and it's not like I don't have other options.